


The worlds a little blurry (or maybe it’s just my eyes)

by Missmadhatter96



Series: Bleach Phone Fic Collection [17]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Cutting, Depressed Ichigo, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Low Self Esteem, M/M, Mental Illness, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempts, depressed character, drug overdose, feelings of worthlessness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:26:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23037817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missmadhatter96/pseuds/Missmadhatter96
Summary: “No one wants him. No one will miss him.Thoughts like these always poisoned his mind in the dead of night, while his family and lover slept soundly; Ichigo contemplates taking his own life”Warnings in tags. Sensitive content, please read tags.
Relationships: Grimmjow Jaegerjaques/Kurosaki Ichigo, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez/Kurosaki Ichigo
Series: Bleach Phone Fic Collection [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1513223
Comments: 6
Kudos: 110





	The worlds a little blurry (or maybe it’s just my eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been sick last few days.  
> I cried my eyes out for a while before writing this. It is heavy. I am sorry to those who don’t like this sort of stuff but I write for myself and this is just where I keep them.  
> This last year has been very hard on me, I’ve often thought why I’m still here. Writing has helped me a ton with these feelings.
> 
> Warnings are in tags, please read through them first before continuing.
> 
> Love you all :)

He sat on the cold aluminum floor clutching his head. Knuckles white, arms tense, hair a mess and tears staining his cheeks. Pill bottle scattered in front of his pulled up knees. Razor blade shining with ruby red on the sharp edge, smearing, staining, ruining the tiles.

His body shook with despair.

No one wants him.

No one will miss him.

Thoughts like these always poisoned his mind in the dead of night, while his family and lover slept soundly; Ichigo contemplates taking his own life. He cut his wrists; Ossan stopped the bleeding.

He swallowed as many pills he could get his hands on; his hollow healed him.

They wouldn’t let him end this. Don’t they understand?! They live in his head, never ending sorrow pulling him under its harsh waves. Every day was another day of torment, hurting the ones he loves instead of protecting them.

It’s his sole purpose in life. _Protect his family._

He snaps at his sisters, punches Isshin, yells, screams; at the only person who thought him beautiful. His family doesn’t deserve to suffer his wrath. He doesn’t deserve their kindness at turning a blind eye at his rage.

His toes curled as he sobbed harder, tucking his chin further to his chest; hunching his shoulders.

He just wanted it all to _stop_.

Ichigo clawed at the scabbed self inflicted wounds marking his wrists in hopes of some form of relief. He knew he wouldn’t find it. He picked them until his fingers stained red anyway.

He felt so useless. Why didn’t anyone else notice him slipping into depression?

Dropping from university and losing his part time job, Ichigo thought they’d notice.

Grimmjow had. That’s why the ex-Espada now lived with him and his family. The bluenette already stopped him once in his suicidal thoughts. All the while Zangetsu and Ossan yelled at him. He couldn’t hear them as well as he use to.

It was like he was in a box and they stood on the outside.

 _ **“Ichi...please lemme out.. or get Grimm.”**_ Zangetsu was just above a whisper. He couldn’t, wouldn’t, bug the Arrancar. Grimmjow had to work early.

Ichigo shook his head, he blindly reached for the blade again only to feel a too warm hand around his wrist stop him. He raised blurry dull amber eyes and found Grimmjows sleepy soft azure gazing at him with concern.

He wanted to pull his wrist free, beg the other to return to bed; forget about him. Crystalline drops of tears spilled freely.

Strong arms pulled him to an equally strong chest. Warmth flooded his numbed body. He could quell his sobs once he collapsed into the others embrace. Shudders racking his shoulders, his hands clenched in Grimmjow sleep shirt.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was getting worse again?” Grimmjow squeezed Ichigo closer, hushing his cry’s with soothing words of comfort. He pressed a kiss to his orange crown, breathing in the others scent of iron and sandalwood.

They stayed curled up together all through the night. Isshin finding them once the sun rose, his heart aching for his son.

He nudged Grimmjows shoulder and told him to head to bed. The ex captain wrapped Ichigo’s wrists once Grimmjow carried him to bed, never stirring in his sleep.

Isshin kissed his sons forehead softly before squeezing Grimmjows bicep. “Take care of him.”

“I will.” He whispered back. Isshin leaving soon after, gently closing the bedroom door. He hunkered down next to the sleeping hybrid, wrapping his arms protectively around his love.

 _I always will. I promise_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. ❤️ Title is from Ilomilo by Billie Eilish.


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